March 1, 2010

Dear 8^th Grade Families,

In this letter, I want to offer some insights and advice about managing the “hot spots” of the upcoming high school decision-making time as well as brief you on procedures for the coming weeks. I send these thoughts in hopes of helping the coming weeks go as smoothly as possible for all of us. The 8^th grade advisors and I are talking with the girls about these points as well.

In the face of what may well be one of the more significant events of their lives so far, it’s likely that the girls will be on emotional roller coasters. The same girl may feel like shouting from the rooftops one moment, and the next, like crawling under the rug. Or, she’ll call a friend in joy, only to find her friend in tears. While some girls may be ecstatic about the results of their applications, others may be deeply disappointed. It’s particularly important for the girls to be sensitive to and gentle with each other as they begin to receive news, and the same precaution is worth observing between parents and daughters—and between parents and parents! A helpful guideline to call upon if you find yourself engaging in conversation about admissions decisions, especially if it involves another student or family, is to ask yourself, is the information/conversation true? Is it kind? And, is it necessary? TKN—true, kind, and necessary. If you answer any of the questions with a “no”, then the conversation should probably cease. I encourage you to keep these questions close at hand over the course of this month. Perhaps you'll even find them useful into the future.

Schools make admissions decisions based on a multitude of factors. As I said last spring and have mentioned to many of you since then, schools look at grades, test scores, extracurricular activities and interests and a number of other factors in selecting students. Each year, high schools admit students they see as a good fit while also shaping a class that will add to the richness and balance of their communities. Girls and parents, please do not compare your results to those of another student; it is not fair to either girl. I also caution you against speculation about results or the reasons behind them. Please trust that high schools are making selections that they feel are appropriate and correct.

We are also cautioning the girls to respect privacy and confidentiality—to let their friends share information as they are ready, rather than prying it out of them, and not to share others’ information. In that spirit, we ask that everyone take special care to respect privacy.

This year, the girls will not be in school when most letters are being dropped in mail slots. You will have the weekend to process the results, or in the case of boarding schools, up to a month to make decisions. With respect to boarding school decisions, which may arrive when your daughter is in school, please do not contact your daughter during the school day to share results. Instead, wait until she arrives at home to open letters. When you receive your letters, sit down as a family and read them together. Take the evening to digest all the information and begin discussing next steps. In some cases, discussion may be limited. If your daughter is admitted to her first choice and intends to enroll, follow that high school’s directions on how to accept the offer of enrollment. Then contact the other schools to decline acceptances or to have them remove your daughter from a wait list. Please do this as quickly as possible. The sooner high schools know your plans, the easier it is for them to manage their lists and move to their wait lists if necessary.

This year is somewhat unique in that we have conferences on the days when independent and parochial day school admissions decisions are mailed and received. Some of you have requested conferences for Thursday. I am not planning to see any eighth grade families on Thursday, as I want to avoid conferences that would be purely speculative. I find it much easier to have meaningful conversations about real options rather than perceived ones. I have blocked out Friday after 10:00 A.M. to meet with eighth grade families as needed. Please call or e-mail me after you open your letters to set up an appointment.

During the week of March 22, if you do have decisions you’d like to discuss with me, I will be available to meet with families during the school day as well as before and after school. During this time, I will be happy to share my insights and thoughts that may help inform your decision. Again, please be sure to call or e-mail me to set up an appointment.

Those of you whose daughters end up with choices for next year may need to remind them that the decisions you and they make are about what is best for them, not what is best for their friends. Part of the decision-making process may include revisiting schools. Please follow individual school guidelines regarding revisits. SI, SHCP, and Lowell do not offer revisits.

If your daughter is wait-listed for a high school and she has a high interest in attending that school, please communicate with me right away. I will be able to have conversations with admissions directors in order to determine the likelihood of your daughter coming off the list. Keep in mind, though, that wait lists are just that. Schools need to wait for accepted students to make their decisions before they “move” to their wait lists. Often, waiting is the only way to deal with them.

Communication in the coming weeks will be crucial. Please keep me informed each step of the way so that I can be of maximum service to your family. This and subsequent Monday Notes will be my chief means of communicating with you as we wrap up this process, so please take the time to read each one through the month of March.

I appreciate the energy and time that each family has put into this process, and I am thankful that the big day is around the corner. While aspects of this process are challenging, we are fortunate to live in an area so rich in educational opportunities.

While it may be impossible to take away the stress from these weeks, it is possible to avoid making it worse. Let us all try to maintain respect, sensitivity, and perspective.

Yours,

Lisa Spengler

High School Counselor